


[for she loved her as her own soul]

by sarahshelena



Series: in her sestra's {sweet arms} [2]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Apologies, Bathing/Washing, Come Eating, Cunnilingus, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Female Ejaculation, Fix-It, Hair Washing, Insecurity, Mid-Canon, Missing Scene, Nipple Play, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex, Scars, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, Sharing a Bed, Shower Sex, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 06:05:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7255525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahshelena/pseuds/sarahshelena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>finding helena has returned, sarah has a lot to apologise and make up for. </p><p>and it turns out helena has some insecurities that her sestra has to help her forget.</p><p>[s4ep10 fix-it, <strike>pretending</strike> assuming sarah rushed straight to the hendrix house as soon as she found out helena had returned]</p>
            </blockquote>





	[for she loved her as her own soul]

  _“My soul and yours are the same,_  
_You appear in me, I in you,_  
_We hide in each other.”_

— Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī

* * *

“Helena,” Sarah breathed, arms hanging by her sides until her sister stepped into them, her belly – rounded by the babies within – pressed against Sarah's stomach as they embraced.

“I missed you, _sestra_ ,” Helena whispered, nuzzling her cheek.

Seeing Helena again after so long away from her made a lump of guilt lodge itself in Sarah's throat, despite her attempts to swallow it down.

She didn’t let go of her sister's hand for at least twenty minutes. But didn't take long for Alison to begin commenting on Helena’s...rather unique aroma. In the freezing national park, Helena had rarely bathed or changed, and in the warmth of the Hendrix household, her body underneath her clothes and furs began to show the perspiration of the months that had passed, and it was enough to make your eyes water.

Rolling her eyes at Alison’s not-so-subtle hints, Sarah stood up, “Come on, meathead, time to scrub up.”

Sarah took a protesting Helena into the bathroom and stripped her down, trying to ignore the sudden rise of longing for her sister now that they were alone.

Helena was so bare; pink and beautiful — and streaked with dirt and dried blood — but still Sarah wanted her. Trying to ignore this, she turned on the shower, testing the water temperature with her hand.

Helena was eventually coaxed under the warm spray, but Sarah had to step in with her, discarding her clothes for the task ahead of her: washing her very pregnant sister.

Helena seemed to enjoy it, grabbing the loofah from Sarah's hands and squeezing the soap out of it as foam to slide down her breasts and belly, giggling in delight. Sarah allowed her a little fun before nicking it back and soaping it up again.

“Come on, meathead, you can fool around with these things once I've got you clean. C’mere…”

Sarah moved the loofah slowly over Helena's chest, noticing how her breasts had swelled generously in the time she'd been gone; Sarah swallowed hard and turned Helena, gently washing her back, carefully minding the deep, angry red scars, washing her sister’s brutally formed wings that covered her entire back and bit her lip in embarrassment as she quickly skimmed the loofah over Helena's bottom and scrubbed her bare thighs, moving down her legs and encouraging her to lift her feet slowly one at a time so Sarah could pumice them clean.

Straightening up, Sarah simply had to admire the water pouring off her twin’s naked body. _She looks like a nymph,_ Sarah mused, before grabbing a washcloth and rubbing Helena's face gently to dislodge the dirt from the pores and creases in her skin.

“Are you glad… to be seeing me again… _sestra?_ ”

Helena sounded so forlorn that Sarah almost dropped the washcloth, but instead she lowered it slowly, “Of course, Helena, why wouldn't I be?”

Helena dropped her gaze to Sarah’s neck, “I don't know…” she said dismissively.

“Hey, hey, meathead, look at me.”

Helena's raised her dark and hopeful eyes to Sarah's face.

“I missed you… _so_ much.” Sarah whispered, _“So_ goddamn much. I couldn't leave my phone alone for a minute, I was so hoping to hear from you. Not knowing where you where, and if you were alright, and the babies…” Sarah was blinking frequently, and her eyes were reddening.

Helena took Sarah's hand and brought it to the curve of her swollen belly, pressing her sestra’s palm over the skin beaded with moisture. A moment passed and something pushed back at Sarah’s hand, making her gasp and snatch her fingers back as if she'd been stung.

“I missed you also.” Helena told her, “Little babies did too. They know you through me. You see, _sestra?”_

“...Yeah.” Sarah's voice broke, and she allowed Helena to take her hand once again and place it over her stomach, leaning in close, keeping her in contact.

“They are your babies too, Sarah. I am their _mati_ , their mother, but you are too. You are _miy sestra_ , my twin. They will love you too.”

Sarah searched for words, managing only to stammer, “Shit, Helena, I'm- I’m not a good mum.”

“Maybe not before,” Helena said, considering, “But you will be.”

And she kissed Sarah softly on the lips, their first in months.

Sarah wanted to cry from how much she'd missed Helena’s lips, and kissed her sister back, long ropes of sopping blonde hair winding between her fingers. Finding her breath was hard when she wanted to give it all away.

Helena's lips stole away the constant wariness, the ever-present fear. The rigidity in her limbs drained away – the need to keep herself wound tighter than a bowstring was pulled out of her by her twin's lips.

She felt no tension.

She felt like she belonged there.

Sarah’s fingers had become literally knotted in Helena's hair, and she laughed as she broke away, “How long’s it been since this mane o’ yours saw some conditioner, eh?”

She plucked the shampoo out of the shower rack and poured some into her palm, turning Helena around in the shower and working a lather into her hair from her scalp to the ends of her hair, tilting her sister's head back when she had to rinse. She saturated the blonde hair in conditioner; used her fingers to tease out the snarls and tangles, and held her lips to Helena's cheek as her sister's head tilted back to wash the silky substance out, one hand sweeping through her twin’s hair to remove any remaining product, the other hand creeping around her waist to cup the curve of her belly.

“I love our babies too,” she whispered, mouth close to Helena's ear, her lips flecked with beads of water, “And I know they're gonna love you more than anything.”

“More than anything?” Helena echoed, turning her head and looking Sarah in the eyes, “Not more than I love you. Is not true.”

“It's a different kind of love. Like how you and I love Kira.”

“Oh,” Helena mouthed, then raised her voice slightly, “Then that is good.”

“You know that I'm not gonna leave again. Not you, not Kira, not the babies. And when this is all over, we’re gonna be a proper family, yeah?”

“I would like that, _sestra,”_ Helena leant back against Sarah and kissed her softly, her sister’s arms still wrapped around her, fitting so perfectly against her body she knew they were made for each other, made together, two halves of the same soul.

“Is this okay, Helena?” Sarah murmured — her fingertips kissing the raised scars on Helena's belly — it felt as if the meeting of their skin could stitch their forms together.

“Yes, Sarah,” Helena whispered back into Sarah’s mouth, “Is good,” she sighed as she sank back into her, Sarah's hands on her belly, her breasts, moving between her legs to touch, her palm resting on the sodden hair between Helena's thighs, wrist nudging her swollen stomach and her fingers reaching the most intimate part of her and going no further — that was enough. That was her place that purely existed to feel Sarah's touch. Her sestra’s sweet, insistent fingers, pressing and stroking and loving her endlessly, this was what her secret place _(Sarah wouldn't let her call it ‘dirty place’ anymore)_ was for.

A sharp rap on the door had Sarah cursing against Helena’s gasping mouth. Her fingers stilled as she shouted Sestra Alison away, who was yelling about wasting waters. Sarah reached over and turned off the taps, leaving Helena dripping and glaring in the general direction of the door.

“It's ok, Helena, we’ll…” Sarah kissed her, “We’ll head back to your room, yeah? Don't worry, meathead, you'll get your fun.”

“Sarah, I think you are wanting to be bad in Sestra Alison’s house.” Helena giggled.

“Yeah, guess I am.” Sarah ducked her head, grinning widely. She ruffled her hair with a towel until it was no longer dripping, helped Helena into a blue terry cloth robe, twisted her sister's hair up in a towel and wrapped hers around her own nude body.

“C’mon,” she scooped up her clothes, pulling Helena by the hand out of the bathroom and into the guest room, shutting the door behind them.

“Lie back on the bed, kay?”

“Yes, _sestra,”_ Helena sat heavily on the mattress, bouncing gently a few times in her excitement before laying back onto the sheets, her legs trembling – partly from the chill of the air after a shower, partly from nerves. Sarah had not touched her in so long, she didn't know if she would be as nice to touch with so big a belly that would get in the way.

Sarah meanwhile had grabbed the chair by the dresser and propped it up under the door handle, “That's better.”

Taking the towel off and dropping it onto the floor, she turned back to the bed to see Helena smoothing her hands thoughtfully over the large bump under the robe.

“You ok, Helena?” Sarah asked, climbing up onto the bed by her sister’s feet.

“I am wondering… _sestra,_ ”’Helena looked up at her, “...do you not like me like this? Does my pregnant make you not want me? Is that why you don't come back to Sestra Alison’s house? Why I was left to stay?”

Sarah was speechless for a moment.

“Oh, god, Helena. I- _shit_ , I wasn't thinking. I was so caught up with everything else and I knew you'd be safe here, so you just floated right out of my mind. I'm-” Sarah pressed a hand to her mouth, tears now trickling from her eyes, “...I’m so fucking sorry. I'm so sorry.”

It was some minutes before Helena spoke, processing these words, “And my being big?”

“God, Helena, no! I love that you're pregnant, it isn't a turn off at all! Why would you-?”

Helena shook her head from side to side, unwilling to believe this. Sarah slowly shifted closer to her sister on the bed and placed a hand on her knee.

“Helena. I love you… more than I ever thought I could love anyone. You're beautiful. You're so, so, so-”

She took Helena's face between her hands and kissed her, deep and promising, slowly lapping at Helena's tongue with hers, gently coaxing her to respond. Helena's fingers wrapped around Sarah's wrists, not to constrict but to support, linking them together.

Sarah broke their kiss, panting.

“You're perfect,” she breathed, “Bloody perfect. You're mine and I'm yours, kay? It took us a damn lotta pain to get here. If you think carrying these two…” she reached down to stroke Helena's belly, “...could have any effect other than good, you gotta remember what we have-”

She stopped and corrected herself, “We. _We_ both gotta remember. We both forgot. I didn't think you'd feel so alone here, and you thought I'd meant for you to feel that way,” Sarah looked back into Helena's eyes, “It's my fault, though. For not calling you every damn day and telling you that I loved you. It's my fault for not telling you how much you mean to me and how completely empty I'd be without you.”

Sarah sat back on the bed and spoke firmly to herself, “I gotta think. And I gotta try harder. I gotta bloody well appreciate you, I've never much appreciated what I've had. Bloody useless, I am.”

Helena took her hand, “I feel so much for you, they cover up what bad scared feelings I have always. Thank you for loving babies and how big they make me. Sarah,” she pulled her sestra closer; whispered against her lips, “Touch me. I ache, _sestra.”_

Sarah laughed, wiped her eyes and nose, “You sure? Because if this is you wanting it, or hormones, that's okay, but if you feel like we gotta-”

“I do not feel gotta,” Helena bumped her nose against Sarah's, “I feel how long it has been and how much I am wanting you,” she grinned toothily, “And I wonder if it has been as lonely for your sex feelings.”

“Definitely,” Sarah grinned back, kissing her quickly then sitting back as Helena shrugged out of the robe and shook the towel out of her hair, “God, you're fucking gorgeous,” she breathed.

Helena sat before her, bare and starkly white against the blue robe and the pastels of the room. Her nipples were a dark red, almost purple, from the pregnancy, and her belly so big that it held her breasts up even as they grew larger.

“There is much more of me, _sestra,”_ Helena smiled faintly as Sarah knelt between her legs, “I am glad you do not mind it.”

“Mind it? I adore it. Besides,” Sarah added, bending her head, “This way, there's more of you to love,” and she took a nipple into her mouth, sucking softly, but even this gentle treatment of the sensitive flesh had Helena arching against her sestra and fisting her hands into Sarah's still-damp hair.

_“Mmmnnnngghhh, sestra,_ that feels so very nice…”

Sarah sucked harder, making her sister let out a soft cry, winding her fingers tighter, holding her there. Sarah parted her lips wider, taking more of Helena's breast into her mouth and nestling contentedly against her for a moment before releasing the now dark purple nipple from her mouth, wet and swollen.

Helena gazed at her darkened nipple and reddened areola in surprise and smiled as her sestra slid down her body, placing soft kisses on her breasts, over her belly and one on her pokey navel, stopping when she came to Helena’s mound, covered with downy soft hairs.

“I love _all_ of you…”

Her open mouth descended on Helena’s secret place, and the once-assassin let out a strangled cry as Sarah's tongue met the swollen, hypersensitive flesh between her legs, lapping up the moisture that she'd coaxed out of her sister and kept tonguing Helena's cunt to encourage more to flow, licking from her cunt to her clit and circling the neglected organ with her tongue, delighting in the moans she was the cause of.

“Yes, please more, _sestra,_ do not stop!” Helena cried, her hands creeping back into her twin’s dark, untameable mane, holding her there, her hips twitching and driving herself up into Sarah's mouth, but it was the moment when Sarah's attention was taken away from her sister's clit and she began sucking on the puffy folds of flesh that hid Helena's secret place; a very pregnant Helena screamed her sister's name, and a sudden flood of moisture came pouring past her sestra’s parted and waiting lips, Helena coming beautifully into her twin’s mouth.

“Sarah,” she whimpered, hands stroking her sestra’s face, “Sarah. Please come back up.”

Sarah gave Helena's cunt one last lick, gathering up the remaining traces of come and rose on her hands and knees, making her way up the bed to slump in a heap beside her twin, “Yeah?”

“Thank you, _sestra,”_ Helena smiled, pulling Sarah in for a kiss, her tongue finding the taste of herself in her sister’s mouth, “This I liked.”

“Well then, we’re definitely gonna do that more often. You just tell me when,” Sarah chuckled against her lips, “Or, even better, just take off your gear and leave the rest to me.”

“I will remember this.” Helena said determinedly, “But, Sarah, should I not wear underwears like you to make easy?”

“Only if you want. You look cute in your knickers though,” Sarah grinned, “And Alison just bought you those cartoon undies that you love, right? Don't you wanna wear ‘em?”

“I do want to wear these,” Helena said thoughtfully, “Marceline underwears is my favourites.”

“Yeah, she's great. Gotta get up now, though.” Sarah remarked, rising and making for her clothes, which were dumped in a messy pile on the floor and began to pick apart the pile.

“No, why, _sestra?”_ Helena grumbled, watching as Sarah stepped into and pulled up her wet-look black jeans over her bare ass, fastening the button and doing up the zipper.

Sarah turned back to the bed, stepping closer to plant a quick kiss on her twin’s pouting mouth, dodging Helena's insistent fingers that were trying to unzip her jeans, “Because if my Alison-timer is running right, she’ll have given it at least two minutes after that scream of yours to start the interroga-”

A brisk knock on the door made Sarah break into a self-satisfied grin.

“She might not want us fucking, but she sure as hell doesn't wanna bust us again while we’re at it,” she winked, pulling a faded band shirt on over her bare chest, tugging the hem down over stiff nipples that Helena regretted not tasting before they finished.

“Oi, meathead, cover up, eh?” Sarah smiled at her nude sister.

Helena nodded; quickly pulled the robe back up from where she'd been lying on it and slid her arms through the sleeves, tying the sash just as Sarah quietly removed the chair from behind the door and opened it in one subtle, smooth motion.

“Hey, Alison, what's up?” Sarah pushed a hand through her hair casually, hoping she didn't noticeably smell of sex.

“What in the name of Kris Kringle were you two doing in there?” Sestra Alison hissed, glancing over Sarah's shoulder to see Helena sitting calmly on the still-made bed, “The kids are back- I heard the most ungodly noises-”

“I was getting some kinks out of Helena's back,” Sarah lied smoothly, jerking her head in her twin’s direction, “Sleeping on the ground really does you in, I'm told.”

Helena nodded, adding helpfully, _“Miy sestra_ always makes me feel good.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. kudos are lovely but comments make my day and help me write. your continued support is a lifeline, thank you so much. 
> 
> it means more than anything to know that this ship and my work for it is appreciated. 
> 
> my heartfelt thanks to all of you who comment and leave kudos for the overwhelming overall support of my fics
> 
> come see me at my fanfic blog and send me prompts and shite - sarahshelena.tumblr.com


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